You.

I'd like to get to know you, the creature sitting on the other side of the screen reading these words that were drummed out in haste by some obviously-earlier version of me.

I'd like to know what you're thinking now, and where you'll be going after your online respite is over, and what you're looking forward to. I'd like to know what you're concerned about and what regrets you've suffered in your life. I'd like to know what you need most, and what you want, and what it is you're here to give. I'd like to know where you're sitting as you read this, and what's scattered around you, and I'd like to know what connects you--what shared thread there is--with all the other 'yous' of this entry, past and present and future.

And yes, I suppose it doesn't matter; I'm not sure any human being can fully know another. Still, we can try, and still I suppose there's some delight to be had in this, that the quest for understanding can never be totally complete.

This is hard for me to admit, but I so rarely feel safe. I used to think I did, and then tasted, once, and fleetingly, what it was really like to feel utterly secure and at home and relaxed.

I remember nearly crying at how foreign the sensation was, how alien and strange, and at how foolish I’d been to blithely preach my imagined belief in the basic trustworthiness of the world. I realized my regular state is more akin to a child, just given to hold the most delicately ethereal bubble, worried that a forceful breath or unskilled jolt would burst it. This is what the world feels like to me–so beautiful, and so transient, and so gently and briefly entrusted to us, or rather to our briefly-lived experiences. And even though the lack of safety I feel is not some deep insecurity, even though it’s more a breathless anticipatory tension about a certain inevitable loss, it’s still hard.

There are moments, though. I feel safe when I’m held; I have an almost troublesome need for physical human contact, and an equally troublesome inability to relax into embrace. I feel safe when I’m writing; I have an inescapable need to put into words the beauty I see around me, and a parallel worry about my attempts to share being rejected or just misunderstood. I feel safe when I’m present, but this, sometimes, is the hardest thing in this world to be.

Do I? This was, I'm realizing, a presumptuous question. I'm not sure I find meaning; sometimes I feel more as though I create it, and some days, I feel, I'm better at doing this than others.

And this, I'm realizing, is a presumptuous answer. Create meaning! It's true, though--I weave it from the warp of the world and the woof of experience using the shuttle of language and words, just as you do, and just as human beings have always done.

Of course, though, my own little patch of fabric is worthless on its own. What I love is sometimes stepping back to see how it fits in the tapestry of the whole. Where do I find meaning...

... here, I suppose.

The moment. I somehow seem to forget this too easily.

Thank you, Jessica and Jodi, for another wonderful set of questions.

1) Do you wish on shooting stars?
Yes, though sometimes I get so captivated by their strange and fleeting beauty that I forget to make a wish for something. (This actually applies to quite a bit in my life. Oh well. :)

2) Would you like to travel to outer space?
Of course. But who is to say I don't travel there already?

3) Do you like astrology?
Very much, and for so many reasons. I like the points of comparison it offers; I like the perspective; I like the way it can connect people and point to our common human characteristics; I like how I see glimpses of myself in every sign and how laughably representative my own is.

4) If you could name a new planet, what would you call it?
Gaia.

5) Do you enjoy star-gazing?
Yes. Yes yes yes. I've never been to the Southern hemisphere, and the number one reason I want to go is to see an unfamiliar sky.

And you?

And one more Friday Five, this one on the right date. Perhaps I should think about catching up to the rest. ;)

1) What is your favorite room in your house/ apartment?
I'm lucky in that two of my favorite rooms blend into each other—the living room and dining room and kitchen are all part of one large open area, and I can curl happily with a book on the couch while dinner is being made. My favorite rooms, then, are the living room and kitchen, for different reasons... although were I truly honest I would say that my answer changes with my moods and health. When I'm not feeling well, or when it's late, nothing compares to my bedroom.

2) Who do you feel at home with? (friends, a partner, family, a pet)
My Mark. My family. My friends. The earth. You.

3) What colors do you have in your home?
Ooh. Our house, during the day, looks muted and minimal—the walls are an unobtrusive white, with wood floors and stone countertops and black and buckskin leather furniture. At night, though... we've got an outrageous assortment of strangely colored lights tucked and inset, many of which cycle through an otherworldly spectrum, and which leave the whole place feeling like some strange underwater universe. I have all colors, though you'd never know it to look at it during the day.

I should take pictures.

4) If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
I don't know yet. I'm working on discovering the answer. :)

5) Finish this sentence in two to five words: Home is where the .....
Home is where the world is still.

And you?

Oh, Jessica. This one is lovely. Thank you. :)

1) Do you like walks?
I love walking. A few years ago, i lived about four miles from the place I was working, and used to walk there and back each day. I don't think I'd ever felt so deeply at peace, or comfortable, or in touch with the world. I walk still (although nowhere near so much), only because of how profoundly happy it makes my body. I think I was made to lope slowly over plains--I am all legs and long limbs and walking is pure pleasure.

2) Do you enjoy dancing? (if yes, what kind?)
Yes, although I'm sure others might laugh to see what my version looks like. Outside from a few years of childhood ballet, and a bit of modern experimentation, I've got no formal training in dance and have no idea how to even differentiate between most styles. My version of dance is informed by authentic movement. I just unleash my body for a while and go along for the ride.

3) What's your favorite thing to do for exercise?
My favorite thing is the sweet fulfillment of mere movement--whatever movement calls me. It might be walking or running or hiking or swimming or clambering or skipping or swinging or dancing. I like just to move.

4) What activities do you like to do outdoors?
Aside from basking in the sun and dancing in puddles, I like walking (again) most of all.

5) How does the sunshine make you feel?
Whole.

Your turn!

My body.

I've always wanted to learn to sing; I have such admiration for those who are able to use their ribs and lungs and breath and tongue and lips and ears as some beautiful, powerful, delicate, perfect, and utterly unique instrument. My speaking voice is unobjectionable, but my poor sense of rhythm and harmony and still-present shyness
keep foiling me. One summer I will sign up for lessons. For now I will listen.

I like to ask questions more than I do being asked, I think.

I'd go with "What are you paying attention to?" 

Or "What is alive in you?"

Or "How could you make this moment more wonderful?"

Or, best of all, perhaps, "What question would you like to be asked today?"

Something like that.

I think all time is free time. But let's see...

1) Do you like to go out on the weekends or have quiet time?
Quiet time, no question. I am irrevocably introverted; for all my unquenchable adoration of people and their hearts and gifts and foibles, I have no trouble spending days (and days and days) alone. I sometimes fantasize about retiring as a lighthousekeeper or lone tender of some abandoned outpost, with nothing but an endless supply of empty books to write in.

And then I realize how much I'd miss everyone, and I change my mind.

2) Do you spend time with friends or family?
Yep. Strangers, too. I'm introverted, but sociable and outgoing.

3) What activities make you happy?
The same I've been listing in recent Q&Rs: reading; writing; listening; rambling conversations; writing, and writing, and writing. There are more, though, of course: long meandering walks; winter evenings dedicated to cooking and meals; summer afternoons to wine-tastings; hikes with no particular goal in mind; fall farmer's markets; saunas outside in the snow; road trips; bookstore excursions; travel of all sorts; taking classes; learning. My list is near endless, I think.

4) Do you have something planned for this weekend?
Yes, but loosely. I'm trying to let my weekends flow.

5) If you could go anywhere this weekend, where would you go?
Mexico. ;)